Surfacing

So my friend Leanne came to stay on Wednesday, and we had a fabulous time drinking and eating and setting the world to rights, and watching the Royal Wedding, which I didn't really want to do, but it was fun anyway. She went home today *sob* Hopefully she will be back again soon. Leanne is a wonderful influence on me - she's a real intellectual, she's down to earth and fun, and very focused on what she wants, which always motivates me to look again at what I want. 

What I want is to escape the rat race, get out of the endless cycles of office jobs, and do work that will make me happy. I've started looking at freelance stuff - article writing initially, which doesn't pay much but is frequent enough that I could potentially make a decent bit of pocket money. I'd also like to get into freelance editing, which could be a bit tricky to start on, but it's something I'd love to do, so I intend to put some time into that one.

My aim is to be able to go part-time by the time I'm 30 though a mix of my own writing and freelance work. I figure there's nothing to lose by aiming high. The older I get, the more dissatisfied I become with being a wage slave, working to live and barely scraping by on that. I don't expect to earn more money by going down the freelance route, but if I could make as much money, I'd be deliriously happy. I don't want to be here in ten years' time still feeling like I'm wasting my life in jobs that leave me unfulfilled. So... watch this space, I guess.

In other news, the kitchen sink is blocked and I have a ton of washing up to do in the bath tub. Bank holidays mean I can't contact my landlord until Tuesday. This does not impress me at all.

UF/Horror challenge - Shades of Grey

 

I shall be perfectly honest: I was sent this book by someone who's opinion I trust as an example of a really bad urban fantasy. I was expecting it to be poorly written, poorly plotted, and generally just ... poor.

So I was kinda surprised to find I loved it. Not just enjoyed it, or found it passable or okay, but actively loved it - thought about it when I wasn't reading it, looked up the author's other works, and started following her on Twitter. That kind of "loved it." I'm not sure why there's such a massive gap between what my friend experienced in reading this and what I experienced, except that art is subjective, but there we go. Not that this is a flawless book. There is, in fact, one big (potential) problem with it.

 

Jude Magdalyn, the protagonist, is a massive Mary Sue. Tragic past? Check. Chequered love life? Check. Super powers, recently discovered and easily mastered? Check? Great Destiny? Check. It's all there. She gets away with bad behaviour, has all the wittiest lines, a great guy falls madly in love with her within hours of meeting her, and she inherits massive, massive wealth early on in the book.

 

I call her Mary Sue-ness a potential problem, as opposed to an actual problem, for a couple of reasons. The first is that, actually, I don't have a problem with Mary Sues in real-written books. Good writing trumps most things, and I think Pruitt is a very good writer. The second is that the phrase "Mary Sue" seems to have become a shorthand for "urban fantasy heroine," rather than being a genuinely useful term. Look, urban fantasy is about people taking on monsters, magic, mythological beings, and general mayhem. Unless you're seriously tooled up with resources - be they magical or physical or whatever - you're probably not going to last very long. Therefore, characters in UF need to have said resources. It's a logical part of the genre for me. But it currently seems to be an excuse for appellating every heroine who knows how to wield a magic wand and/or a Glock efficiently a Mary Sue. Not useful to me. I know for some readers, the presence of a Mary Sue is an instant Do Not Want, but for me it's not such a deal breaker.

 

Anyway, back to Shades of Grey. So yes, Jude is Mary Sue. I don't care. She's also funny, sharp, and engaging. Pruitt's voice and sense of place are strong. The secondary characters are interesting, as is the plot. Jude, an orphan raised by nuns and now working as a con woman in New Orleans, discovers she's the destined leader of a magical organisation called the Covenant. Cue sexy vampires, politics, back-stabbing, shock revelations, et al. Yeah, it's not the most original thing ever, but Pruitt makes it her own. And if you can look past one or two oddities in the text (such as Jude's seeming indifference to the murder of her best friend, and a kind of "was it, wasn't it?" rape scene that left me scratching my head), I think what you've got is a strong first novel from a writer who is going to grow and grow.

 

I ate up this book despite the flaws. The pacing and tension worked for me, and I just plain like Jude. I can see it won't be a book for everyone, but it's not badly written, nor is it a bad example of the genre. In fact, it's a damn good one as far as I'm concerned, and I'll be buying the sequel and her other works in very short order. This was just a compelling read - I'm loathe to use the term "guilty pleasure" because I don't feel guilty about enjoying it, but that's probably the best term for it. So you know, screw you guys.

Happy Days

So yesterday was my birthday! It was lovely, and the robot invasion didn't happen, which was a bonus. I had many wishes of joy, birthday cards that referenced sea monsters, and cheap mango cocktails. My parents stopped by briefly, which is always good (them stopping by, not it being brief). I went into Cambridge because it was such a gorgeous day and drank cocktails on Parker's Piece with a bunch of friends I haven't seen for a while, which was also good. Then I came home and my friend Dave bought me and Kyle a Chinese meal as a birthday present, and we watched Drag Me To Hell (awesome) and The Nines (WTF?). All in all, a marvellous day! And my gift from Kyle is yet to arrive, so I can have like a mini-birthday extension. Yay!

In other news, I got my contract for THE NECROMANCER'S APPRENTICE, and although I can't return it yet because I don't have a printer, I can confirm that it's set for a November 2011 publication. More yay!

In other other news, I'm torn between what to work on next. I'm going to finish proofreading WILD this weekend (maybe today, if I push it). I start the third Urban Wolf novel in May. My plan is to work on that during the week and have the weekends to write other stuff. I've got SO MANY things I want write at the moment. There will be a sequel to THE NECROMANCER'S APPRENTICE to finish Evanthe and Morrow's story. There's another story set in the same world that I started a couple of years ago that I'd now like to finish. There's Blood and Bones, Halflife, and numerous other things too. I should be disciplined and finish the Deva Chronicles first, but I'm leaning towards the necromancer stuff, mostly because it's all set in the same wider world of my Scarlett novels, and I've been wanting to get back to those for ... well, forever. 

 

We shall see. I think I'll finish the other necromancer story first, as I already have 7k or so on that, and I'm envisioning it being about the length of TNA (about 21k). I really am enjoying the fact that I can pretty much go where inspiration takes me, rather than worrying about writing what I think an agent wants, or whatever. I stressed myself out so much when I was agented because I felt like everything I wrote had to be The Big Thing, and I couldn't live up to my own expectations. Working with small presses, epubs, and doing indie things definitely suits me better.

And now for some good news...

It's not official yet, as I need to fill in some forms and sign some stuff, but I think it's safe to say that THE NECROMANCER'S APPRENTICE will be published by Eternal Press!

Huzzahs! This makes for a nice early birthday present! More details when I have them ^_^

UF/Horror Challenge - Grave Witch

 

I feel pretty torn on this one. I love Kalayna Price's Haven series, and I wanted to love this just as much. It has necromancy and that's one of my favourite urban fantasy things, so that's a plus. It has an interesting world, a fresh take on the magical set-up of said world, and a very likeable heroine. But I didn't love it. I enjoyed it, just not as much as the Haven books.

Alex Craft is a grave witch/private investigator who raises shades for various purposes. Her latest case sees her working with Detective Falin Andrews to track down a dangerous serial killer who seems to have ties to Alex's family. They don't have much time to stop him, and luck really isn't on Alex's side. This was actually something I did love about the book - Alex is very capable magically, but beset by very mundane problems. Crappy car, not much money, a dog to feed... It was kind of nice to see her worrying about the practicalities of her life instead of these things just being handwaved away as they can often be (like the girl in Unclean Spirits who just happened to inherit a vast fortune so she didn't have to bother with a pesky day job whilst she fought evil).

I also liked that there were serious drawbacks to Alex's magic. Using her grave-sight (an essential part of her raising a shade) leaves her near-blind. I liked that Alex wasn't a superwoman, and that using magic has a cost even for those naturally inclined towards it. I like that she has friends and a social life (even if she can't always keep up with them). I love that she has a Chinese Crested called Prince Charming as a pet.

So why was this a book I just enjoyed rather than loved? Honestly, I found some of the world-building under-explained. There are grave witches and, apparently, death witches, but the difference between them wasn't explained and I couldn't think of a difference myself, which irked me. There are hints of deep relationships between Alex and Death (not literally The Death, but one of many Deaths, it seems), and Alex and her missing college roommate, that I felt needed to be fleshed out more in order to make their roles in the story satisfying. For example, we see a bit of flirting between Alex and Death, and at the end of the book Death proclaims his love for Alex, but we never see enough interaction or get enough history for their relationship to feel that significant to me. Likewise, the missing roommate is mentioned once or twice, but I don't think the foreshadowing of her role in the story was handled as well as it could have been. I don't want to give spoilers, so I can't really expand on that, but I'd love to know if other people agree with me.

I think this is a series with great potential - Alex is lovely, her life is interesting, and the side characters are strong. But for a first book, this felt weak in places in a way that Once Bitten, the first Haven novel didn't. Maybe it's not fair to compare the two - they are very different - but whilst I'm chomping at the bit for the third Haven novel, I can only really say I'm intrigued about the next Alex Craft novel.

UF/Horror Challenge - Witch Craft

 

I will start by saying I have a massive girlcrush on Luna in this cover.

I will follow by saying I actually finished this a week or so ago and forgot to do a review, so the book isn't quite as fresh in my mind as it could be, That said, I did love this book. I think it's my favourite Nocturne City book so far, as Luna seems to have grown in leaps and bounds since Second Skin. She's still the waspish, independent, growly Luna I love, but she's matured and thinks before she acts more than she did in the earlier books. Part of this is down to her new position as head of Nocturne City's new supernatural crime unit and her responsibilities to her team. Part of it, I'm sure, is also down to the experiences of the past three books, both in her personal life and her career.

As always, Kittredge manages to find something new and different to throw at Luna, and in Witch Craft we get everything from killer selkies to trolls to Thelemic magic. I haven't seen Thelema referenced in any other urban fantasy novel, despite how much everyone loves to name drop Alistair Crowley, and I was fascinated by Kittredge's use of it here. Having established her caster and blood witch societies firmly in book two, Pure Blood, it was fun to see her now explore a whole new type of magic, and the culture that went with it. it made for a truly engaging mystery and introduced a new layer to the world.

I did feel the absence of Dimitri quite keenly. Although there's a part of me that thinks, well, yeah, he and Luna can never work, there's another part of me that really, really wants them to. I like Will Fagin, and I find Lucas quite intriguing, but to me it's Luna and Dimitri all the way. Given that there's only one more book in the series to go, and there's no sign of Dimitri reappearing, I suppose I'll have to resign myself to Luna settling down with someone else (or not? It would be cool to see her just flip everyone off and continue to be quite happy by herself).

The one other thing I missed in this book was werewolves, which seems odd given that the main character is a werewolf. In the previous books, we've seen Luna interact with other wolves - and struggle with her own beast - quite a lot, and her battle between humanity and wolfism has often been a key part of each plot. In this book, we don't really get that, and I don't think Luna ever shifts throughout the whole plot (or maybe she does at the end? I should re-read it and check). Anyway, although that's not a major flaw, as Witch Craft's plot is not a werewolf-centric one, I do enjoy that aspect of the series, and would have liked to a bit more werewolf smackdown in this one.

Overall, I can't complain too much. This is another dark, twisty, and plain cool book from one of my favourite authors, and my only real problem is that I don't have Daemon's Mark on my shelves yet.

Accountability Checklist: The Reckoning

So I set myself some goals for over the weekend. I had to fit them in around a visit to my parents' for my brother's birthday, so I didn't get as much done as I hoped, but I rarely do. Allow me to elucidate:

1. Write my Queered Fiction horoscopes Check - I actually wrote May's as well as April's, because A) April's were late and B) I really need to be more organised, so I figured I'd start here.
2. Write my Cambridge Explorer horoscopes Check - done whilst watching a terrible film called Dark Island, so if your horoscope next month is all about biological weaponry and bad camera work, you know why.
3. Finish The Necromancer's Apprentice (yeah, I went back to it. I cut the horrible sex scene and replaced it with some stuff about demons, which I like a lot more. I think I can get a first draft done this week now) - Check. Finished and submitted, in fact. I feel really nervous about submitting something to a publisher without anyone else having read it, but I'm also pretty confident it's in good shape, has no plot holes or typos, and was ready to go. Of course, it could be rejected roundly and then I'd feel like I'd been presumptuous and arrogant. We'll see.
4. Finish proofreading WILD. I've found two typos so far *tears hair out* - Fail. Haven't had any time for WILD since last weekend, but this week I'm going to be working on it pretty solidly as I've cleared everything else from my to-do list.
5. Get at least 2k done on Blood and Bones over the weekend - Fail, but never mind. I'm not going to get a first draft done before May when I start Urban Wolf 3 now anyway, so I'm working on a schedule for May that means writing UW3 during the week and working on other projects at the weekend. If I aim for at least 1k a day during the week, I can easily have a first draft done by the start of September.

So yeah, this week is WILD week. If I can get it proofread before the weekend, I shall be a happy bunny.

Want a free copy of WILD?

So I'm anticipating WILD being published by the end of April. In the mean time, anyone for an advance PDF or mobi copy? All I ask is an honest review/word-spreading in your area of choice - LJ, Facebook, Goodreads, wherever. I do stress honest - if you think the book sucks balls, don't sugar coat it. I probably won't turn to drink.

I'm not going to give away unlimited copies, because I would like some people to, you know, buy it, but if you comment here today, I will send you a copy tomorrow. Holla at me, bitches!

The WILD Frontier

*I have been saving that awful blog title pun for so, so long.

So, I don't think I ever did a full "unveiling" of the final cover for WILD, or showed off the blurb. The blurb took me forever because originally it contained a massive spoiler, but I didn't notice it for weeks, for some reason. And then I had to find a new line to replace the spoilery one and everything I tried was just clunky and weird, so then I went away and did something else for a while. Anyway! Here they both are. Ta-da!

Lizzie Creighton ran away from her life a year ago, wanting to escape the pressures of university and just party. And that's exactly what she did.

But now she's sick of the world she's fallen into - the drink, the drugs, the violence - and she's desperate to start again. The chance to do it comes from the last source she could ever imagine. After her deadbeat boyfriend steals her car and abandons her in the dead of night, Lizzie is bitten by a wolf. And suddenly her next fix is her last problem.

Now, caught between Nick Doyle - the outcast werewolf who claims he can save her - and Seth Weaver - the favourite son of the blue-blood werewolf royalty, Lizzie must decide what kind of werewolf she wants to be.

"Werewolves, ghouls, drugs and punk rock; paranormal has a gritty edge and a dark side in Naomi Clark's WILD." - James EM Rasmussen

 

BRB Food Coma

I got fed a delicious, home-made four course feast last night. There was venison and chocolate torte and ginger cream and fishcakes and port and I never want to see food again oh God.

Of course, this fabulous feast meant I didn't do anything writing-wise last night, and after my dismal efforts last week, I really wanted to get things rolling this week. So far I've failed with a big, fat, chocolatey F. So this seems an appropriate time to roll out an accountability list. In no order of importance, I need to:

1. Write my Queered Fiction horoscopes
2. Write my Cambridge Explorer horoscopes
3. Finish The Necromancer's Apprentice (yeah, I went back to it. I cut the horrible sex scene and replaced it with some stuff about demons, which I like a lot more. I think I can get a first draft done this week now)
4. Finish proofreading WILD. I've found two typos so far *tears hair out*
5. Get at least 2k done on Blood and Bones over the weekend

I'm sure I'm missing something from the list, but I'm so doped up on a food hangover and lack of sleep, I can't think what it is. I've got a story submission to read for Serve in Heaven... that I'm pretty excited about. I know that's not it. I mean, that is something else I have to do, but I'm hoping I'll squeeze it in at work if I get some quiet time.

Serve in Heaven, Reign in Hell - update!

By my calculations, Serve in Heaven, Reign in Hell is at 61k. I'm not going to put a deadline on it, but I want people to know that we're at the minimum word count needed for publication. Three people have told me they're working on or about to submit stories, and there's definitely still room for them - I'm shooting for 70k +. So if you're still planning to submit something, let me know!

My other anthology, Wicked Witchery, is at 47k, so plenty of room left there.

Once one (presumably Serve in Heaven...) is full, I'd love to get another one on the go. I'm really enjoying the editing gig; it's been nice to do something writing-related but different, and I've seen a couple of stories that make me think the writers have very bright futures ahead, and it's nice to think I might have given them their first publication credit.

I've got two ideas I'm pretty keen on: Zombies Versus... which would be pretty much what it said on the tin: stories of zombies fighting things! Other zombies, sharks, werewolves, hobos, whatever. I think that could be a lot of fun. The other idea is a YA school-based horror anthology (because I'm currently obsessing over Point Horror's Nightmare Hall series and wishing I hadn't donated them all to charity ten years ago). Basically, as long as time allows and people have ideas, I'd love to keep this up.

In which Nome watches Cube Zero

To set the scene for why me watching Cube Zero is a big deal, you should understand that I hate Cube with a violent, unreasonable passion. I think it's a ridiculous, poorly-acted, poorly-directed, poorly-concieved piece of nonsense, and the attempts to give it some kind of symbology (oh, you named all your characters after prisons, did you? How deep) just make me angry. You will never convince me this is a good film, or even a so-bad-it's-good-film, and throwing around words like "psychological exploration" and "Kafka-esque" will not help your cause because at the end of the day, it's about a giant killer Rubix cube that eats people, and that's no better a film concept than sewing people together mouth-to-anus.

With that in mind, I had long ago resolved never to watch the sequels, Hypercube or Cube Zero, because my blood pressure probably couldn't take it, and I've been assured that the sequels are even worse than the original. However, yesterday I finally caved in to Kyle's insistent nagging and watched Cube Zero. I don't know why he wanted me to watch it so much as he thinks it's absolute pap. Presumably he finds my incredulous anger amusing.

So anyway. Yeah, I watched it.

Now, one of the reasons Cube doesn't work for me is because there's no context for the cube. Sure, Worth tells us it's a government project spun out of control, existing only to justify it's continued existence, but I never bought that. As crazy goverment projects go, I suppose it's not unfeasible, but why should we believe anything Worth says? He doesn't even know who contracted him to build the stupid thing. What Cube Zero attempts to do is give the cube context and answer all those questions viewers had at the end of Cube. Questions like, how will I ever get this time back? and WTF was that all about?

The problem is that the only thing worse than a giant killer Rubix cube without context is a giant killer Rubix cube with context, because what sort of society thinks building this thing is a good idea? Well, Cube Zero attempts to explain that.

The film starts just like Cube - a man identified as Ryjkin is trying to escape the Cube when he's sprayed with a liquid he assumes is water. but turns out to be some sort of acid that disintegrates him. Bloodily. So in case you were wondering at all, the cube is a bad place. We cut to see two people, Wynn and Dodd watching this in an observation room. They seem cheerily unconcerned with what they've seen, suggesting either over-familiary and desensitization with horrible, acidic violence, or sociopathy. I don't know. Wynn asks Dodd how come they haven't seen their colleages, Owen and Chiklis for a while, and Dodd speculates that they're either on holiday or off sick. When Wynn persists, Dodd makes ominous refences to "upstairs" and how Wynn should probably STFU, okay?

So, we have people observing the cube and the people inside, and they don't seem to have any problems with the function of the cube. Okay.

Orders come in from Upstairs to observe the dreams of Cassandra Rains, a woman recently placed into the cube. So we have dream-stealing technology. So this is a futuristic film? Okay. Anyway, Wynn watches Rains' dreams and gleans she was captured by what appear to be ninjas whilst walking in the forest with her daughter. We then cut to Rains waking up and being all "where am I? Amnesia!" and then meeting Haskell (an angry soldier), an incredibly annoying woman who whines incessantly and I hated, and a comedy fat guy, and another guy. None of them remember how they got there or who they were before, but they've already cottoned on to the fact that the cube is a giant death trap, and are making their way through it by testing rooms for traps using boots.

(If you've seen the first film, you know this is a lame and unreliable way of testing for traps, but I guess it's all they have at their disposal. It's also a source of great continuity fail, as we frequently see characters toss their boots into rooms, without any way of retrieving them afterwards, only for them to have somehow reclaimed them in the next scene.)

Anyway. So our hardy and forgetful heroes start attempting to traverse the cube. They find each doorway has a sequence of three letters on it, which they suspect is some kind of code for which rooms are trapped. Remember this, it will be important later. On their way, they find out a little about themselves and each other, which in any other film would mean they had some charming and heartwarming experiences, but in this film means they all get paranoid and angry. Someone dies. I don't know his name; he was pretty much just there to demonstrate how nasty it would be to be sliced up by razor wire.

Back to Wynn. In the observation room, he and Dodd discuss the plight of the people in the cube, and it transpires that these people are (allegedly) death row inmates who have chosen to enter the cube instead of taking the lethal injection. Right. Because being sliced up by razor wire is a far more dignified way to end your life than lethal injection. Okay. So this is some kind of futuristic society with dream-stealing technology and a Battle Royale-style approach to trouble-makers?

Anyway, for some reason Wynn gets a bit fixated on Rains and looks up her file only to discover there is no consent form for her entry to the cube. Shock! He also discovers she was a political activist of some sort. So this is some kind of futuristic society with dream-stealing technology and a Battle Royale-style approach to trouble-makers and an Orwellian goverment that deals harshly and not-especially cost-effectively with its dissidents. Because you can't tell me the cube is cheap to maintain.

So Wynn wants to inform the people Upstairs about the missing consent form, but Dodd just tells him to STFU OMG and then an old-fashioned rotary telephone rings. So this is some kind of futuristic society with dream-stealing technology and a Battle Royale-style approach to trouble-makers and an Orwellian goverment that deals harshly and not-especially cost-effectively with its dissidents that favours vintage telephones. Fine.

Anyway, the phone rings and Dodd answers and recieves word that they are to perform the "exit procedure." Yes, it turns out someone has made it to one of the cube's exits. Huzzahs! So Wynn and Dodd go to the observation screen and see their missing colleage, Owen wandering around in the darkness crying, which is fair enough. No, Owen was not on holiday! He was in the cube! And now he's pinned down by some ... contraption and Dodd, via loudspeaker, asks him if he believes in God. Owen cries some more and says no, so Dodd sets him on fire. Apparently atheism is also frowned upon in this totalitarian, vintage-loving futuristic world.

Wynn is horrified to learn the cube is inhumane (because watching people get eaten by acid, chopped up by wires, infected with flesh-eating diseases, and frozen with liquid nitrogen is fine, but being incinerated when you're supposed to be on holiday is one step too far). An argument ensues between Wynn and Dodd, which ends with Wynn deciding to enter the cube and help Rains escape.

Good for him.

Back to Rains and co. The annoying woman is dead - she got hit by the flesh-eating virus and infected the comedy fat guy. Rains jokes about cannibalism. Ha ha funny, but not really under the circumstances. Haskell, because he's angry, wants to dump the infected comedy fat guy, but Rains is all "compassion! Decency!" and Haskell agrees comedy fat guy can stay if he agrees to test the rooms for them. And then he pushes him into a trapped room and comedy fat guy explodes. That happens, okay? Rains is all ??!!?? and then Wynn gets there and is all "you're all going to die!!!" just in case Rains and Haskell didn't get it.

He tells them there's an auxiliary exit from the cube that he knows of but doesn't know how to get to, and there's some yelling and paranoia, and then they decide to find the auxiliary exit and set off in a seemingly random direction. which will of course turn out to be the right direction. With Wynn on board, knowing how to interpret the codes that indicate trapped rooms, they can't fail to escape, right?

Wrong. Back in the observation room, Dodd is panicking over Wynn's defection and what will happen with Them Upstairs. Now, at this point in the film, I was just annoyed that this was basically a re-hashing of Cube with some My Little Eye elements thrown in. The traps were pretty much the same as the first film, the characterisation was just as banal (was it a studio requirement to have the only black characters in these films be angry and violent or what?), and the plot was just ... well, barely there, really. So the idea that we might see some of the authority behind the cube was, whilst not exciting, at least interesting. It might at least confirm my theory that the director was going for some sort of 1984-esque approach, which at the very least would have been better than "the cube exists because it exists, you know?"

Enter Jax.

Let me be very clear here. This character does not belong in this film. Or any film that is attempting to present itself as a serious sci-fi thriller. You can't see it in this picture, but he does actually carry a pimp cane and wear a bowler hat. And act like he wandered onto the set by mistake from a Victorian-era gothic schlock-horror, but was too embarrassed to admit he was lost, so just picked up the script and rolled with it.

Jax is, apparently, an authority figure of some sort. I assume the directors thought his campy weirdness would be sinister rather than baffling. I guess he has a robot eye to help strengthen the dystopian, Orwellian futuristic theme, but any effect that might have had is negated by his pimp cane and general utterly confusing presence in the film. I mean, I just ... I don't even know. I cannot imagine who thought it was a good idea to introduce a character who clearly belongs in a vaudeville sideshow presenting two-headed dogs and mermaids to gawping cockneys into a film that really, really wants to be taken seriously as a sci-fi thriller than purports to have Things To Say About Society.

Anyway, so that's Jax. I hate him. But he comes to the observation room with two cronies and they chide Dodd for being a very bad boy and decide the only thing to do now is A) reset the cube (which means incinerating everyone inside) and B) make life harder for Raines and Co by getting rid of the letters on the doors. The letters that indicate whether a room is trapped or not, remember? Remember those letters? Sure? Okay.

Back in the Cube, Rains, Wynn, and Haskell find the letters literally melting away and some more paranoia and flapping occurs, and we're back to sending boots flying gracefully through the air to test for traps, and then pulling them back with telekinesis or something. Back in the observation room, Dodd grows a pair (of balls, not boots) and tries to sabotage Jax's attempts to kill Rains and Co. This ends unheroically with Jax performing keyhole surgery on him without anesthetic, or even surgical tools, really, and then Jax activates a chip in Haskell's brain than turns him into a super soldier programmed to kill who feels no pain. I'm guessing this is about the point where the script writers just gave up.

Haskell attacks Rains and Wynn, and then gets hit in the balls. Despite Jax specifically programming him to feel no pain, Haskell crumples like a girl and falls into a room below. It's a pretty big drop, and Wynn and Rains dust off their hands, declare him dead, and decide to move on.

But wait! Haskell is not dead! He recovers himself and makes a vertical leap from a standing start up through the hatch and back into the room where Rains and Wynn are still standing around dumbly, despite the previous scene quite clearly showing them climbing through another hatch.

This happens.

Luckily, Wynn reads the letters on the hatch of the room he and Rains are about to enter (you know, those letters that told you which rooms were trapped? The ones that Jax had melted off to make life harder for Rains and Co? Those letters? Yeah, he reads those letters), and before you can say "deus ex machina," Wynn and Rains have found the auxiliary exit. Huzzahs! They have to kill Haskell first, mind, because apparently black people just don't escape the cube, presumably because of how angry and violent they all are. For reasons unbeknowst to me (not that I was still trying to find logic at this point), this exit is not guarded at all, allowing Rains and Wynn to jump down a hole into some water just before Jax tries to kill them with fire.

They've escaped the cube! Now to run blindly throught the woods to freedom!

But wait, the ninjas are back! Wynn gets darted in the neck. Rains heroically leaves him to his fate.

Wynn wakes up in an operating theatre. Jax is campy and hammy at him. He implies that Rains has escaped, but tells Wynn  he has been found guilty of high treason against country and God. He is sentenced to two lifetimes in the cube (because you'll last long in there), and Jax then shows Wynn a consent form that indicates Wynn has already agreed to enter the cube. Then Wynn gets a lobotomy, because why not, during which he dreams Rains is reunited with her daughter and apparently living wild in the woods. The woods which was crawling with cube ninjas, because why not?

We then cut to Wynn in the cube, acting like Kazan, the autistic savant from the first film, and being found by a new group of people. I don't know whether we're supposed to think Wynn is Kazan, or that Kazan was a technician like Wynn, or what. I suppose it could just have been a wink to fans of the first film, or I could be crediting the director with far too much self-awareness. I don't know.

Anyway, that's the end of the film.

So what did we learn, apart from the fact that this is a terrible film with a terrible plot and terrible actors?

Well, that's pretty much it. Cube Zero purports to answers questions raised by Cube, but it answers them with more questions. The attempts to show some kind of authority, or hint at the world outside the cube don't work because what we're shown is this:

And this doesn't make any sense. I mean, yeah, I guess maybe it is trying to depict some sort of futuristic society with dream-stealing technology and a Battle Royale-style approach to trouble-makers and an Orwellian goverment that deals harshly and not-especially cost-effectively with its dissidents that favours vintage telephones. Maybe. Or maybe everyone was on crack. I don't know. I don't know about the quasi-religious overtones. They're never fully explored, so why introduce them?

I do know that my words alone are not enough to convey how pitiful this film is. I hate Cube because of it's shoddy acting, unsatisfying plot, and pseudo-psychological pretensions. I can't hate Cube Zero, despite it having all those elements plus pseudo-socio-political pretensions, but it's so fucking batshit whacked-out crazy that I'd feel bad about hating it. It's like hating the drunken hobo who stands on the corner and screams about goblins stealing his ideas.

Sample Sunday - WILD

Well, as the countdown to WILD's publication is now on, I thought I'd tempt you all to buy it on the big day by posting the entire first chapter right here, right now! So here it is:

Guest Blog - Ann Lewis

I've got Ann Lewis, author of the Sherlock Holmes mystery MURDER IN THE VATICAN, here today. She's talking about the inspiration behind this release, and the cookie crumbs Conan Doyle left for his readers...

When a Throw-away Isn’t a Throw-away

Don’t you just hate it when a writer leaves you hanging? I mean, I’m sure I’m not the only one who sees an author make a reference to something, and then he or she never goes back to it, and then you wonder why it was ever mentioned in the first place.

If this happens, the author probably meant it as a throw-away to simply add a little more punch to whatever is going on—kind of like your mom throwing an extra cookie in your lunch pail just because she loves you.

Well, Conan Doyle threw out some extra cookies to his readers. He did it a lot. He had Dr. Watson mentioning all sorts of cases that Holmes solved, and then he never told us those stories. I mean, after he mentioned the case of the “worm unknown to science,” I know I wanted to read it. Or the “Giant Rat of Sumatra” or the “case of the aluminum crutch.” And then there was the case of the sudden death of Cardinal Tosca, “an inquiry which was carried out by him at the express desire of His Holiness the Pope.” Well, I read that line and I vowed that story must be told. So I set forth to write it.

And yet I was only a college junior, and while I could weave sentences together I had nowhere near the level of writing one needed to imitate a master writer like Conan Doyle. The voice of Watson was required, and I simply did not have the vocabulary or control of the language to be a convincing Watson. I therefore put the project aside until I was ready to pick it up again.

Twenty years later, as I packed to move from New York City to our present home in Indiana, I found a box of college writing along with the story I’d forgotten. Looking at the old notes re-inspired me. I sat down to write and it flew to the paper as naturally as springtime. To that story I added two more throw-aways: “The Vatican Cameos” (mentioned in Hound of the Baskervilles) and ‘The Second Coptic Patriarch” (mentioned in the “The Retired Colourman” and I ended up with a whole book.

Just goes to show, no writer’s throw-away is really a throw-away. Whether it’s an old story idea, a chunk of text you cut from a piece, or an offhand remark in a manuscript, you never know what might just come in handy.

Bio:  Born and raised in Waterford, Michigan, Ann Margaret Lewis attended Michigan State University, where she received her Bachelor's degree in English Literature. She began her writing career writing tie-in children’s books and short stories for DC Comics. Most recently she published a second edition of her book, Star Wars: The New Essential Guide to Alien Species, for Random House.

After attacking the Star Wars universe, Ann plunged into writing science fiction/fantasy, historical fiction, and, of course, mysteries. Her latest book is Murder in the Vatican:The Church Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes published by Wessex Press. She is also co-writing a historical novel entitled Roman which tells the true story of a priest in 1840s southern Indiana who was accused of assaulting a woman in a confessional. 

Ann is a classically trained soprano, and has performed around the New York City area. She has many interests from music to art history, to theology and all forms of literature. She is the President of the Catholic Writers Guild, an international organization for Catholic Writers and the coordinator of the Catholic Writers Conference LIVE. After living in New York City for fifteen years, Ann moved to Indianapolis, Indiana with her husband Joseph Lewis and their son, Raymond. Together they enjoy their life in the heartland.

Find out lots more at Ann's website!

Friday Night Linkage Delight

So despite this week ... not being all it could be, what with fractured metacarpals and various other things, I'm actually feeling quite chipper tonight. Partly because Kyle is cooking something spectacular involving feta cheese and chorizo and olives, but also because I had two short story acceptances this week.

Happy Ending is going to be in Beyond the Grave. I'm probably more excited about this than is really warranted because it's an Ash story, and he's my favourite. My favourite everything. He's badass and a necromancer and drinks too much and runs a gothy night club and is just basically awesome, and this is the story of why he digs up his father's grave.

Pumpkin Soup will be in Fall Shudders. I wrote this yesterday when I was feeling particularly jaded, and it's actually pretty sad, but really beautiful, if I do say so myself. I don't often make such claims about my own writing, but I do really like this piece, so that's good too.

Also good is that WILD (now with caps!) is fully-formatted and ready to change the world of paranormal-urban-fantasy-YA-with-romantic-elements-and-drugs. Huzzahs! I am going to do a line-edit over the weekend in case I missed anything vital or obvious, but I have high hopes it will be ready to upload next week. OMG. Hold me, you guys. I'm scared.

Luckily, I have Mansions of Madness to distract me. I had no idea there were so many HP  Lovecraft-inspired board games out there, but there are definitely three in my house right now, which makes me a happy Nome. Kyle and I are going to attempt to play it after dinner. If you don't hear from me again, I went mad and was incarcerated in an insane asylum, okay?

Wild Retrospectacular, Day Ten

May 25^th 2008

 It's all tension!action!excitment! right now. Will Lizzie ever dump Harris? Why do strange men keep following her on her manic runs through the city? WIll she ever satisfy her desire for a cheeseburger?

These are obviously all vital plot points that have remained throughout each draft of Wild. Naturally I can't reveal the answers (you'll just have to buy the book!), but rest assured that Lizzie's cheeseburger issues are resolved to everyone's satisfaction.

Next time: Nome contemplates ending it all.

Punch injury

So yeah, it turns out I broke my hand.

Well, to be technical about it, I fractured a metacarpal in my left hand about eight weeks ago. I knew I'd done something bad at the time because of the serious pain, but I'm used to experiencing serious pains in my hands now, and figured I'd probably hyperextended the tendon like I did with my thumb last year, and that if I ignored it, all would be well.

But it's eight weeks on, and the pain is exactly the same, so I went to the doctor, who exacerbated the pain with much prodding and tugging, and decided it was a fracture. He kept calling it a "punch injury" and remarking on how hard I must have hit the door frame to do such damage. I think maybe he thinks I'm a battered wife or in Fight Club? I did literally just bash the finger on a door frame though. I'm not in Fight Club. Or am I?

Anyway, he prescribed me anti-inflammatories, because my doctor freaking loves giving me anti-inflammatories regardless of what my ailment is, and told me to go away and not do anything to make it worse. If it's still painful in six weeks, it'll be x-rays and whatnot. It would never have occurred to me I'd broken anything. My mum broke the same finger last year, and you can tell - her finger is still swollen and crooked. My finger just looks normal. And obviously, it's taken me two months to feel concerned enough to do anything about it, so I guess it can't be all that serious (except for the non-stop pain and aching, but I can live with that). Now I know it's broken, I am a bit worried that I might be slowing down the healing process by ... well, by going about my business, but I don't really see how I can stop going about my business.

Wild Retrospectacular, Day Nine

May 23^rd 2008

By the time I'm 40, I may have finished redrafting Wild.

Luckily, it only took me until I was 27. The real challenge will be whether I can complete the trilogy in just thirteen short years...

Tomorrow: Lizzie can haz cheeseburger?

Wild Retrospectacular, Day Eight

April 7^th 2008

Anyway, let's do the maths, shall we? It's subject I excel at *cough*. The first draft of Wild was roughly 85k and took about six months to write, given that I had a few periods where I didn't work on it regularly. If I aim to write 2k every day, it will take me ... forty two and a half days to redraft the whole thing. That gives me until sometime in May, I think. I hesitate to set myself solid goals because I procrastinate like crazy, but watch this space anyway...

A quick glance ahead at the next few entries shows I either acheived this goal, or abanonded Wild in a fit of pique, because there's a massive gap between August 2008 and February 2009 where I didn't mention Wild at all. I'm guessing I gave up to work on other projects - AFTERLIFE and WOLF STRAP, most likely, if my memory serves me correctly. I was probably in the early stages of thinking about leaving my first agent at this point too - I'm pretty sure I cut my ties there in late 2008, because I had AFTERLIFE on the query-go-round in early 2009. At this point, Wild was still an unholy mess. The first half of the book was set in Liverpool, the second half in America, several characters were still in the book that I wanted to cut out, and the less said about the ending, the better. *shudders*

Tomorrow: Nome makes an optimistic prediction for the future

Wild Retrospectacular, Day Seven

February 25^th 2008

Ricia's about eight chapters away from the end of Wild and her verdict so far is good writing, predictable plot. I'm now frantically trying to think up things I can throw in to add more twists and turns. So far I've come up with:

Werebats

Lizzie's long-lost father turning up and being a werewolf

Vaughn dying

Cannibals

Necrophilia

A freakshow of some sort featuring werecreatures (actually that might be book three...)

I'm not sure how well any of these things will fit in at the moment... I might hold off until Ricia's finished.

I'm pretty sure I didn't seriously considering putting any of these things into Wild, with the possible exception of the freakshow. As much as I enjoy surprise cannibalism in books, I probably couldn't justify adding it to a book that already included drug abuse, domestic violence, murder, werewolves, and ghouls. Although ghouls do lend themselves nicely to cannibalism, so I don't rule it out of appearing in the rest of the trilogy...

Tomorrow: Nome does some maths.

Wicked Pretty Things: Damage Control Makes It Worse

There's a pretty detailed update of all the WTFuckery thus far here. Apparently Running Press are now contacting the authors who withdrew asking them to pretty please come back. I understand Verday's story has now been replaced, so I guess the publishers are determined to go ahead with the anthology even though every day it becomes more of a clusterfuck than it was before.

Jessica Verday posts her final thoughts here, and continues to be awesome about the entire affair, despite this whacked-out article on Publisher's Weekly from Running Press publisher Christopher Navratil, in which he claims Verday "accused Running Press of intolerance and censorship."

Um, no she didn't.

Running Press's approach to this whole affair just baffles me. They stand behind Trisha Telep one day, then insist that they have "no contact with that editor" in the PW article. Either support Telep or don't. It's too late now to try to distance yourself from the mess by insisting you had no idea what happened here. And truthfully, while I still find Telep's original comments misguided and dubious, I also find it hard to believe she just pulled this whole "no alternative lifestyle" shit from thin air.

Just in case the article wasn't dumb enough, it also makes a valiant attempt to paint Verday as the villain of the piece for talking about what happened. Never mind that Verday is pretty much the only person involved who's shown any class or composure from the start (I'm not including other authors who have withdrawn stories from RP anthologies here; that should go without saying). Basically, RP's stance now seems to be that Verday should just have backed down, shut up, and given up her principles. Also she was mean to them, you guys. Nice one, Running Press.

I fail to see the point in RP continuing with this anthology, really. It was bad enough when it was The Anthology Where Gay People Don't Exist. Now it's The Anthology Where Gay People Don't Exist And STFU Authors. Rather than insisting that this is all someone else's fault and pretending that WPT can go ahead despite the massive black cloud hanging over it, why aren't RP pulling the anthology altogether? Yeah, that would be bad for the authors involved who still have stories in there, and it would be awful if they all suffered because of someone else's stupidity, but the more I read about this mess, the worse it gets.

Wild Retrospectacular, Day Six

A hat-trick of nostalgic entries today:

January 21^st 2008

Also, the end is nigh again, for real this time. I'm so very nearly almost finished the first draft of Wild. If I can keep away from The Sims this week, it might be done by the weekend. All I need is willpower...

January 30^th 2008

Just for those keeping track, Wild currently stands at over 81k with no sign of an immenient ending. Damn Lizzie and her various issues!

February 3^rd 2008

Anyway, WILD IS FINISHED! 85,642k of pure literary gold heroin and werewolf action.

This is significant as being the first time I finished Wild. I have no memory of this at all, probably because I've finished Wild so many times since then, they've all blurred into one ugly mass. Or I've just chosen to forget because it was so damn traumatic. I do remember thinking at the time that I was really not impressed with the ending, and that the book was lacking something indefinable, so I handed it over to my then-agent for her thoughts.

Tomorrow: Nome tries to identify the indefinable missing something.

Sample Sunday - Blood and Bones

So I'm back to work on Blood and Bones after a month-long break. I couldn't remember what was happening, which was fine since Ryan doesn't know what's happening to her, so I guess it's all working out fine. Here's a snippet!

Wild Retrospectacular, Day Five

On a lighter note, here's another blast from Wild's past.

December 30^th 2007

So, it's nearly 2008. I don't make New Year resolutions, because I never keep them, and I figure it never stays a new year long enough for me to fulfil them. Instead I'm setting goals, which may or may not take a whole year to fulfil. Prepare for a list:

 1. Finish Wild, for God's sake. Shouldn't take long. I have no excuses when I'm thisclose to the end.OMG. Can you smell the optimism? The naivety? The sheer crazy nerve I had right then? This exact same resolution cropped up on my list in 2009 and  2010, and I'm sure the only reason it wasn't there in 2008 was because I was working on AFTERLIFE. Or possibly I'd gone temporarily insane and thought Wild was finished. In any case, I obviously found some excuses not to be finished.

Four stars good, three stars bad?

So this might get a bit ranty. I don't know, it's early and I missed breakfast and the Costa Coffee woman forgot to put the mint syrup in my hot chocolate even though I asked twice. And a lot of other people have been talking about this topic recently, so I don't know how new or insightful my view is, but I want to get it off my chest. So.

I had a new review for NIGHT AND CHAOS this week - a three star review, which translates as "I liked it" for that particular reviewer. I'm really happy with that. It was a thoughtful, honest review which highlighted the strengths and weaknesses the reviewer found, and as an author I think that's all I have the right to expect from a review. Obviously I want everyone to feverishly adore my books and form cults around them, but let's be realistic; people don't just form cults at the drop of a hat.*

But you know what? It doesn't actually matter what I think of the review. Because it isn't for my benefit. It's for other readers. As a writer, you don't get to pick who likes your work. You don't get to dictate what people think of your books. By all means, hope away. You should hope that people love it, you should want people to feverishly adore you, especially if you want to make a career out of writing. But you can't make it happen, and you can't tell reviewers, or any reader, that their opinion of your book was wrong.

Art is subjective. A lot of people love Twilight. I think it's pap. A lot of people hate Megashark v Giant Octopus. I think it's the greatest film spectacle ever. And that's fine. We're all entitled to our opinions. And yes, of course it hurts when someone hates something we love, especially if we created it, but that's life. You've got to man up sometimes and accept that you can't make everyone happy.

Which leads me to three star reviews. I don't think they're negative. I don't at all. I've had plenty and they've all been just like the one above - thoughtful, considered, and honest. So I cannot complain about them. I don't get writers who do, and I don't have a lot of sympathy for them, to be honest. Not just because I don't think reviews are for writers, but because having someone say "I liked your book, here's why," is not anything like, "I hated your book," or even, "I didn't like your book."

It really saddens me that there appears to be a divide between writers and reviewers, or any readers, where writers feel entitled to nothing but praise and readers/reviewers bear the brunt when it doesn't happen. It saddens me to see two groups of people who should love each other spitting and hissing at each other instead. It's a symbiotic thing, you know? We write, you read. Without one, there's nothing for the other. So where did this culture of entitlement and rudeness come from? I mean, yes, of course no writer should be clapping their hands and singing over a genuinely bad review, especially if it's just a string of abuse, but for pity's sake, instead of crying or throwing shit all over the internet, why not shrug it off, have a big tub of ice cream, or whatever your comfort food of choice is, and write something else?

Because you can't please everyone and you'll drive yourself crazy trying. I figured that out pretty quickly, long before I decided to try my hand at the publishing business. All you can do as a writer is write something you love, make it as good as it can be, and put it out there.

*I have actually started two cults myself. They didn't stick around very long, but I guess in the long run it saved me from having to organise a mass suicide.